Chabad Gets Angelina's Baby

Thanks to the tireless efforts of Rabbi Boruch S. Cunin, Angelina Jolie's unborn child has become the property of Chabad of California. The donation was made by Jolie's father, actor Jon Voight, a long-time contributor to the Chabad Real Estate Trust.

The child was donated in a secret ceremony following Shachrit services this morning at the Chabad of Marina Del Ray. It is hoped that the publicity from the event will get Jews to daven at the Chabad again. Congregants of the Marina Del Ray have reportedly avoided the building since it was stolen by Rabbi Cunin.

CHABAD DOESN’T WANT YOU TO READ THIS BOOK

The new METHo.d. collection from Aardwolf Publishing will likely raise more than a few eyebrows in the Chabad-Lubavitch community. These stories, told from an insider’s vantage point, are biting satires that bring to surface corruption and other serious issues that organizational insiders would rather have left in the shadows.

METHo.d.’s dark tales unite author Clifford Meth (god’s 15 minutes) with some of the most respected names in the comics industry. With an introduction by best-selling author Peter David (Spiderman), artists on the project include Steve Lieber (Hawkman), Al Milgrom (Thor), Jordan Raskin (Penthouse Comix), Michael Netzer (Batman), Wm. Messner-Loebs (The Flash), and Paty Cockrum (Amazing Spiderman). Industry legend Jim Steranko (Indiana Jones) designed the book and painted its cover. More than any other comics creator, the name Steranko conjures cutting-edge noir imagery to legions of followers who collect his work.

“Clifford Meth is a unique and exciting voice—funny, twisted, visionary. I am a huge fan,” says Richard Saperstein, Exec. Producer of Se7en and JohnQ who has optioned a number of the author’s stories for the big screen.

“This book is not all about Lubavitchers,” says Jim Reeber, Aardwolf’s publisher/editor. “Meth’s involvement with the cult more than a decade ago continues to inform his work, but there are other tales in this collection. Nevertheless, it’s the Chabad-related stories that will get the most attention.”

METHo.d. will be available in March. For more information, contact aardwolfpublishing@yahoo.com or visit www.aardwolfpublishing.com

Batman Artist Portrays Lubavitchers

Aardwolf Publishing has contracted famed Batman artist Michael Netzer to illustrate "The Man Who Hated Lubavitchers," which originally appeared at "The Pig of Death" blog here.

Quoth Netzer: "I understand that your contention with Chabad focuses on where the movement has deteriorated to since the Rebbe's passing. I met him once at 770 and Elana still has a dollar he gave her while she was pregnant with our only son. I have only the highest regard for his works, as you do, and know of many stories that exemplify the special spirit he enshrouded the movement with...You've been effected by something very dear to you and have chosen which side of the struggle you stand on. It’s a righteous stance and Hashem rewards you openly for it. Along with the pain, you can allow yourself a peculiar satisfaction and joy at having made the statements you've made. A victory of causing the hypocrites who abuse Hashem’s name to expose themselves...The more righteous you are, the greater will your sacrifice be."

Chabad Names Sharon as New Rebbe

Crown Heights, NY--Ariel Sharon, Prime Minister of Israel, was named the new Lubavitcher Rebbe this morning. The announcement came from The World Lubavitch Headquarters in Crown Heights following morning services.

"Prime Minister Sharon, shlita, is exactly the type of man we were looking for to replace our Rebbe," said Yudel Krinsky, former driver for Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson and current head of the Chabad Real Estate Development Corp. "When we learned of Mr. Sharon’s stroke last night, we knew right away he was our man."

The decision to elevate the Prime Minister into the supreme leader's position was unanimously ratified by the Chabad Vaad HaShluchim, a governing body that oversees all organizational public relations and real estate acquisitions. Chabad insiders agreed that Sharon’s inability to physically respond to questions made him the ideal replacement for the position that was vacated more than ten years ago. Some were skeptical, however, of supporters’ willingness to accept the directives that Mr. Sharon will now be putting forth as the new potential messiah.

"We’re finding American Jews aren’t as naive as they once were," admitted one of the Chabadniks who asked to remain unamed. "We’ve had to redouble our efforts to get people to buy us more buildings."