Thursday, January 05, 2006

Chabad Names Sharon as New Rebbe

Crown Heights, NY--Ariel Sharon, Prime Minister of Israel, was named the new Lubavitcher Rebbe this morning. The announcement came from The World Lubavitch Headquarters in Crown Heights following morning services.

"Prime Minister Sharon, shlita, is exactly the type of man we were looking for to replace our Rebbe," said Yudel Krinsky, former driver for Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson and current head of the Chabad Real Estate Development Corp. "When we learned of Mr. Sharon’s stroke last night, we knew right away he was our man."

The decision to elevate the Prime Minister into the supreme leader's position was unanimously ratified by the Chabad Vaad HaShluchim, a governing body that oversees all organizational public relations and real estate acquisitions. Chabad insiders agreed that Sharon’s inability to physically respond to questions made him the ideal replacement for the position that was vacated more than ten years ago. Some were skeptical, however, of supporters’ willingness to accept the directives that Mr. Sharon will now be putting forth as the new potential messiah.

"We’re finding American Jews aren’t as naive as they once were," admitted one of the Chabadniks who asked to remain unamed. "We’ve had to redouble our efforts to get people to buy us more buildings."

9 Comments:

At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

STUPID! It sounds like you dumb Satmar Chasidim are out to slander lubavitch again. You should have learned your lesson years ago, when lubavitch went on Talucha and you threw eggs at them. While Lubavitch looks to be mekariv frei yidden, you look to push yidden away from yiddishkeit. There is enough internal politics in Satmar and the Satmar rebbe to make fun of you shmendreks but lubavitch is above that. Two lies you have perpetrated:

A) lubavitchers have some how named Yudel Krinsky their new leader

B) Yudel Krinsky and now Sharon are moshiach

Someone not familiar with lubavitch wouldn't know any better and take your ludicrous parody as fact. I grew up in lubavitch and while I don't consider myself a "meshichist" as you call it. I am a great supporter of lubavitch and I am eternally grateful to have been brought up in this community. It is no secret that many Satmar children are turning away from yiddishkeit altogether! And it is certainly no surprise given their hatred of fellow Jews.

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger BrooklynJewishGuy said...

Anon..........

I beg to disagree with you.

This is my first visit to this blog. In my opinion, it's impossible for this to be written by a Satmarer. The blog is well written and the English is impeccable. It's a cutsey tongue in cheek satire. I would suggest you just chill out.

If you look at the blogger's profile, you can see that s/he's somewhat educated and is expressing her/himself very well.

The earlier post about Cunin was marvelous. No, no, my anonymous friend, this is no Satmar chusid posting, it's a burnt out baal tshuva Lubavitcher with a college degree! Even an "Oholei Torahnik" could NEVER hope to produce such prose, satire and wit.

 
At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps the blogger is not Satmar, but I happen to know that there is a group in Satmar sending out CDROMS with video clips and other propaganda perpetrating those lies. He/She might not be Satmar, but certainly acts like one.

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Hank Magitz said...

Satmar? Moi? I don't even have a furry hat or a .38 special

 
At 2:17 PM, Blogger Hank Magitz said...

I grew up in lubavitch and while I don't consider myself a "meshichist" as you call it [sic]. I am a great supporter of lubavitch and I am eternally grateful to have been brought up in this community.

Well la-dee-da!

It is no secret that many Satmar children are turning away from yiddishkeit altogether!

Unlike like Chababniks who stand on the corner of Eastern Parkway smoking cigarettes on Shabbos and screaming, "Yechi Adonanu! Where's the white women at?"

 
At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Unlike like [sic] Chababniks who stand on the corner of Eastern Parkway smoking cigarettes on Shabbos and screaming, "Yechi Adonanu! Where's the white women at?"

Ha! You are right about those kids (maybe 1 or 2?) but at least they go to shul. I bet you got those CDROMS from Satmar!

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger Hank Magitz said...

Ha! You are right about those kids (maybe 1 or 2?) but at least they go to shul. I bet you got those CDROMS from Satmar!

Nope, but I'd sure like to. Where can I order them?

 
At 11:37 PM, Anonymous Jon said...

Who is Satmar? Are they a real estate developer, too?

 
At 6:18 AM, Anonymous mordyg said...

Brklyn Jewish guy is real smart.
I think chabad was designed to do the great work of kiruv, and they have succeeded. My only fervent wish is that they should be mekarev and then leave them the hell alone. There should be no such thing as a second generation chabadnik.
I have seen too many second generation chabad families and many, far too many, are the most abused, both physically and emotionally, kids around. Incest, borderline personalities, rampant ignorance of both Torah and secular knowledge are just some of the problems I see every year.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home