Saturday, November 18, 2006

NJ Chabad's Book Burning Party

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Library

by Clifford Meth


I’ve often imagined that the worst minor tragedy I might experience, short of passing a kidney stone, would be to see my first novel trashed by The New York Times Review of Books. That’s gotta hurt. Fortunately, healthy kidneys and the inability to produce a first novel have kept me two steps short of those reality shows. Sans a best-seller muse, I still find myself writing shorter pieces.

Every now and again, some of my short-fiction collections are reviewed in “respectable” journals and newsletters. To wit: MethO.D. (Aardwolf Publishing, 2006) was recently recommended by The Association of Jewish Libraries Newsletter (vol. XXVI, No. 1, Sept./Oct. 2006). “Clifford Meth's latest anthology of 13 stories is a worthwhile read, though the tone of many of his pieces can be disturbing,” writes Steve Bergson. “Among the range of subjects and themes that can be found in these brief narratives are…power brokering in the Lubavitch movement.”

Those vaguely familiar with Chabad-Lubavitch may be under the impression that the movement comprises little more than the overzealous followers of the late, great Lubavitcher Rebbe, z’tl. Sadly, as many Jews have discovered, there’s more to the multi-million dollar New Jersey Chabad franchise than meets the eye. So on several occasions, I’ve written about these snake oil salesmen in the same spirit that Swift wrote of the rascals of his day. Satire, after all, is the only thing that separates us from the theo-dogmatists.

“Some of [Meth’s] stories are told realistically,” Bergson continues, “while others mix in fantasy or science-fiction elements when one least expects it…[recommended] for the General Adult Fiction section of public and university libraries.”

Not exactly a glowing review but it beats a sharp stick in the eye or a Swiftian kick in the maracas. Or being trashed by The Times.

Following the enfeeblement and subsequent death of their leader, Chabad splintered into various factions headed by powerful families competing for control. Today, despite threats of virtual fatwahs, Chabad’s questionable ethics are frequently taken to task by the most prominent, respected rabbis in the legitimate Orthodox Jewish world.

Enter Leslie Monchar, a librarian at the Joseph Kushner Yeshiva in Livingston, NJ, and hand puppet to Asher Herson, the charismatic curator of Chabad of Northwest NJ.


Monchar represents the new breed of hybrid Conservadox-Lubavitchers: all yap and no sheitel. Hebrew National bologna and cheese.

“Members of my congregation are wondering why you would recommend Cliff Meth’s book, MethO.D. to anyone!” writes Monchar in an official librarian’s letter to Bergson (as reported to me by a third party). “Though I have not read his work, I was told that the language is obscene throughout, and the topics are vulgar and disgusting. The rabbi he ridicules is our congregational rabbi, and the people he wishes to kill are my fellow congregants.”

Though I have not read his work, she says.

“[Meth’s] hatred of the rabbi,” Monchar continues, “is as well known as it is irrational. What great merit did you see in his writing? I promised the president of the congregation that I would ask you and also why you chose to review this particular book at all?”

The fact is my book never mentioned Monchar’s rabbi. I did write a fantasy piece about a miraculous canine creature who becomes the head of a Chabad Center in Rockaway, NJ, and urinates on his congregation. The story is called “Wagging the Rebbe.” Any similarities to Chabad rabbis urinating on their congregations is purely coincidental.

Bergson’s cogent reply: “I have a bit of a problem with reviews by proxy by people who haven't actually read the books/stories,” he tells Monchar “I would have been inclined to believe that [Meth] is 100% anti-Lubavitch, but when I read his ‘I, Gezheh’ years ago, I paid close attention to what he wrote as a one-line commentary preceding the story: What Menachem Mendel Schneersohn (zt’l) was, and what Lubavitch has become, are opposites. I will always regard this as one of the great tragedies of my lifetime... His language is, at times, vulgar and obscene. Such descriptions have also been made about the works of Jewish writers Saul Bellow, Philip Roth and Mordecai Richler, but today all three are lauded by many critics, librarians and readers (Jewish and non-Jewish) as being among the best Jewish satirists of the 20th century…I don't think Meth actually wants to kill anyone and that’s quite a provocative charge to make…”

Kill anyone? One can only assume that Monchar, the torch-wielding librarian poised to burn books she hasn’t read, is referring to “The Man Who Hated Lubavitchers,” a story that informed individuals recognize as homage to the classic “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” The protagonist in my story discovers that Jews are being replaced by alien creatures who call themselves Lubavitchers. So he whacks a few. All in good fun, of course.

“[Meth is] one of the few writers to casually blend Jewish storytelling with science-fiction/fantasy,” writes Bergson. “I think that if abuse/misuse of power is something that is going on in the Lubavitch community, then someone should be writing about it.”

As for the rabbi in Rockaway, I don’t hate him. I genuinely admire his shrewdness. Rumor has it that he’s living tax-free. It ain’t easy fooling so many of the people so much of the time.

Unless they’re dolts. Or wastrel librarians who don’t read books.

© 2006 Clifford Meth. All rights reserved.

Clifford Meth’s articles appear in scores of publications and have been syndicated by The L.A. Times Entertainment Newswire. Lauded by literary figures from Leonard Cohen to Kurt Vonnegut, Meth’s fiction has been published by numerous publishers, including Barnes and Noble and Marvel Entertainment, and several of his stories have been optioned for the big screen.

10 Comments:

At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Steve S. said...

You rock, Cliff! What's that librarian going to do with that new asshole you ripped her? It's redundant. Herson already has his hand up her back!

 
At 3:45 PM, Anonymous Mojo said...

I just read Wagging The Rebbe as a result of this article. It is one of the funniest pieces of fiction (perhaps based on a true story?) I have ever read. Mr. Meth, you belong in literature and am glad that someone resists the actions of the brainless and stands up for what is right in a sea of corruption.

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger Tzemach Atlas said...

do not change the url of the post, you are killing the links.

 
At 7:04 PM, Anonymous Jim Reeber said...

From Harlan Ellison's website:
"Clifford Meth is an honorable man, as well as a fulltime champion of the needy, the noble, and the infirm. The roaches who diss him are beneath contempt; and the odious, the mendacious word-games they play to attempt his discredit are merely the sophomoric trickeries of those who envy someone who really and truly walks the walk -- as opposed to themselves and their swine ilk -- who waste everyone's time and energy like rabid, yapping hyenas, just to get thrown gobbets of deadmeat attention." --Harlan Ellison

 
At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Yitzi W. said...

Hi,
I should read more of your stuff, this is great!

"...Any similarities to Chabad rabbis urinating on their congregations is purely coincidental."

Ha ha!
Keep up the great writing,
Yitzi

 
At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Mojo said...

I just read Wagging The Rebbe as a result of this article. It is one of the funniest pieces of fiction (perhaps based on a true story?) I have ever read. Mr. Meth, you belong in literature and am glad that someone resists the actions of the brainless and stands up for what is right in a sea of corruption.

 
At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Yossi said...

Cliff - you're still the best writer in the frum veldt! See you Monday!

 
At 11:58 AM, Anonymous andy said...

Cliff,
Three different people have sent me this link. You're not only the scourge of Chabad, you're a viral marketing sensation!

 
At 5:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chabad should be more careful who they let into their cult. - Andy Cohen

 
At 7:48 PM, Anonymous yossi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

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